Going back home to my grandma's house invoked a concoction of feelings. I'm glad that I could go back and celebrate CNY with my fellow relatives but on the other hand that means I have to be surrounded by bugs almost 24/7.
However that is not the biggest issue. The biggest issue is that I know that I should feel like I belong here but I don't. Its kinda like a trick question, you think you know the answer BUT then again maybe there is something to it. Make any sense to you?
I was the second youngest among my cousins there until my youngest cousin come rushing out 5 years ago. Before she came we formed groups. I was in the kid group with my then youngest cousin and normally we were a two-kid group, not because we wanted it to be but because we were just too immature for the others. Kids could be so mean sometimes right?
Then again I think I deserve it cause I was a pretty annoying kid. I hated losing and boy can I threw a fit. Somehow we all managed to stay with the same clique and boy is it awkward when 2 teenagers who doesn't keep in contact for most part of the year come together and interact. When we were kids it was fun! We ran around, play with stray kittens, thinking of absurd games to play. Now we're grown up, looking at our smart phone and making not-so-deep conversation. He's now doing a diploma in architecture! I didn't know he liked drawing so that was a good surprise. :)
The day we went back, I saw my grandma tremble and wiping her teary eyes, at that moment I knew that this wasn't a trick question anymore. I belong here, if not my parents belonged here. I figured that my grandma should deserve to see my relatives whether or not we feel like we belong. In her eyes, we are family, and family members belong together.
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