Progress 1 completed

My first exam was not a fun rollercoaster ride as you can see from my previous post about having a mini existential crisis.

I had a mini panic attack at lunch before the exam because my friends were spouting out things that I don't understand at all. My mind was blank and I kept flipping the papers in my file without absorbing anything into my mind. I gave up halfway because I felt like I was on the verge of hyperventilating so I just focused on my lunch.

Of course I forgot to bring my student ID so I went back to my room which was a good 7 minutes walk away to retrieve it. I think it was God's plan all along for me to have that 15 minutes of walk just to calm myself down before I forget anything and just sob.

After a mind-numbing 2 hours, I came out of the exam hall blurr and relieved. I did not even want to think about the questions nor discuss it. I went straight back into my room, open a can of biscuits and starting my post-exam comfort eating ritual.
I went out with a couple of friends later at night and the exams were tucked into a far corner in my head because I've heard that it takes about 1 week for the result to be released.

Of course it didn't. The result was released today and thankfully, by a miracle, there was no need for me to sob and buy more biscuits. Wait, I'm going to buy biscuits anyways. Anyways, I passed my test and that was it. I am competitive by nature and I try not to be because I feel like it brings out the worst in me. The results were released by a list and each students were assigned their numbers beforehand so no one knew each other's mark unless they know their numbers or someone personally told them.

I scanned through the list and wow, some of these people are freaking crazy. But I kind of expected that because I saw some people working quite hard and frankly I hope it was them because they deserved these kind of marks.

Some of my friends tried to ask me what marks I got but I was hesitant to answer. I hope I didn't offend them but I try to refrain myself from telling other people not without reasons. I was really blessed during the exams and with the marks I got, I think the answers that I've randomly chose were right more often than not. It wasn't a clear reflection of the knowledge that I've retained. I won't lie and say my results were bad because they weren't, neither were they the best though. It was beyond my imagination and I thank God for that. I just don't want my ego to feed on people's praises (assuming they would- does that make me egotistic?) and for people to assume that I'm something that I'm not- smart.

If I worked hard or really was a genius, I don't think I would have qualm admitting it or at least lying about it. But in this situation I figured, silence is a much more suitable answer.