Dawn

His face was ashen and the faint light was unkind to his pale skin. Warmth radiated from where our fingers intertwined, it was like an illusion, one that I hold tight on to. All I could hear was the regular sound emitting from the machine and the ticking of the clock, both conflicting stimulus. One reminded who he is, the other reminded who he was. He was always rushing but never on time, time was his enemy and I guess it caught up to him.

Rationality and emotion was incongruence, what I could see was clouding what I know. I lay down once again, right above his heart like I had many times before. It was weak but still present, the sign of life. He could not hear me but I still spoke. All of the words left unsaid- the regrets, the joys, the uphill battles that came with our path merging were spewed out, hoping somehow a miracle would happen, he would come back to me.

He was physically present but his essence was gone. The facts were there and the form beside me proved it. What made him the one I loved was gone. He would never look at me with his peridot green eyes like I hung the stars and the moon, his high pitched cackle was never be to heard again. He was gone but at the same time, he was still here.

Would he had wanted this life? But what about me? What do I do when I want to feel his warmth, or put my head onto the crook of his neck that was made for me? Can't I be selfish just once more?

I never understood the reason behind going to the graveyard to talk with the deceased. It seemed so unnecessary to me as being near the grave does not equate closer to the deceased as they are no longer in this realm. Now I know, there is no rationality when it comes to grief. Whether be it ashes or bones, any is better than none.

The time has come for me to be a brave person like how he always told me I was. The decision had been made but delaying it, hoping for any kind of miracle was worth a try, anything was worth a try if he could come back. I never detested my signature more than I was when filling the paper.

The person lying on the bed was no longer himself and I, just a mere shadow of myself. I have still have time till dawn, to memorise his heartbeat before it stops, just like his brain and my whole world did.