Swan song

Every day you wish me a good day,
A good day filled with happiness and God's blessing.
You said you love me as we end our conversation,
Our conversation that was filled with concern and exudes love.

But your love comes with a price,
A price that I fear I cannot pay without losing myself.
The fear of rejection and abandonment consumes my thoughts,
My thoughts fervent and my sanity suffers.

How long will I have to keep up my performance,
My performance as a functional human being you call son.
How much am I willing to lose to keep your love,
Your love that is a double edged sword.

A new sky above did not dry my tears,
My tears no longer visible under the moonlight's shine.
Try as I might to find a solution,
A solution remains absent as the foliage of misery piles up.

Not a day goes by do I not question if I am fighting a lost cause,
A lost cause with no victor and a tragic end.
The weariness inside me years for a swan song,
A swan song that might never be played until my black parade.