I feel overwhelmed, like I'm a juggler in a never-ending show. I know balancing aspects of life is not unique to me but what am I doing wrong? It can't be this tiring right?
I'm trying to sort out my mental wellbeing, trying to figure out who I am and what I am going to do in the future. It just feels too much sometimes that I don't even bother trying. I can't just separate them, they come in a package deal. I feel like crap and I want to be alone but at the same time, I want to go out of my comfort zone and not feel lonely. There's this battle in my heart and no matter what I always end up losing. I go out even though I feel like being in my room but I don't socialise enough to gain new friends that I can talk to that isn't limited to time before lecture starts. In the end, I'm still alone but somehow more tired, more alone. I'm trying but it feels like it isn't working.
My future, a big question mark, another thorn among the thorn bush encircling my mind. I have no clue what's going to happen. The infinite possibilities used to excite me but now it just slowly chokes me until I get my numbing agent. Worry is useless since it can't solve anything, sounds reasonable but I can't do it. Just adding another reason in a long list of why I'm angry at myself. What am I going to do? At this point, I don't know, internships are already open to apply but I don't know if it has closed yet and my resumé is just a blank page. I came here to figure out my life but it feels like the only thing I've done is remembering how lost I still am.
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