Self-absorbed

I feel like such a jerk today.

I am happy that he got a job, something that he wanted, something that we all wanted BUT why is there still a part of me that feels sad about it.

Is it because now I'm the only one left who feels hopeless? Is it because I'm so absorbed in hating my own crappy life that I no longer have the capacity to feel truly happy for someone else?

He was vulnerable and so was I. We connected. Now he's back to a place where he should be and I still sitting here suffocating in doom and gloom.

I checked the requirements today and I feel so despondent. Who on earth in their right mind who choose me over so many people? Time is wasting away and I'm still too hold up in my pity party to do something substantial.

It has been the only thing that I am remotely good at. If you take it away, what do I have left?

"Look for the long haul and not just concentrate on the pain you're feeling now". Problem is, I don't have faith that it'll get better.