Grandmum

Ah, grandmum. How can I describe my grandmum? Well, you can say that my dad is her son, meaning that she and my dad has a lot of similar mannerisms that they are not even aware of.

My grandmum has this fear that I will be dehydrated, ALL THE TIME. Every time I go to her house, she'll bring me one glass of tea follow up by another one per hour. Oh, she'll ask but your answer doesn't really matter. It goes like this

Grandmum: Ricky, do you want to drink tea? (Rushing to the kitchen to get the darn tea pot)

Me:No, grandma! No! (Looking at her direction with a pleading look)

-After a few more times=

Grandmum: Ricky, you haven't drink water in a long time. Let me get you some water.

Me: (Roll my eyes and mumble whatever)

She based the fact that I am always dehydrated on my the color of my lips that is always red. I don't even know if that's a legit indicator but I am leaning towards no because my lips are always this red unless I'm sick. She always brings this up when I tell her I don't want any water and one time I got so frustrated that I told her I was wearing lipstick. Sure enough, another mug of tea appears in front of me and my smart remark was ignored.

Moreover, she thinks that my appetite is humongous. And that's coming from me. I have a bigger appetite than most people and she still thinks that I eat too little. I'm like, am I a sasquatch in your eyes? I know she means well but it's ridiculous when she demands (slight exaggeration, slight being the key word here) me to eat a whole plate of food which is clearly enough for two or three people. I know she means well but sometimes I just want to pluck my hair out and shout 'ARE YOU MY STOMACH?'

Here's a typical conversation on the dinner table when I feel full

Me: I'm full now, I can eat anymore.

Grandmum: What do you by you are full? You have barely eaten (Serious face)

Me: I ate a lot! (Giving her a incredulous look)

Grandmum: Just eat it slowly and you'll finish it.

Me: (Turn to dad) I'm full. (Rush to the living room)

EVERY TIME. I AM NOT EVEN JOKING. LIKE SERIOUSLY. I THINK I CAN RECORD MY REPLY AND PLAY IT. HEY, I SHOULD TOTALLY DO THAT.

My dad is the same but on a different issue. He bugs me about peeing. STILL BEING SERIOUS HERE.

I'll give you an example

Dad: (Coming out of the toilet) Have you peed?

Me: No.

Dad: Go pee.

Me: What?

Dad: Go pee.

Me: Why?

Dad: Why aren't you peeing?

Me: Because I don't want to pee. You are not my bladder!

See, this is my life. I wonder if I have kids would I treat them the same. I think I would just to get back at them from all the late night feedings when they were an infant. HAHA. I would totally be a fun dad XD