Broken

The sound of droplets is not soothing anymore,
The stream of water left flowing out my gaping mouth,
The feeling of complete brokenness,
The utterly shattering of my being.

Flailing without tears escaping,
Soundless sobbing and clutching of my chest,
No one can hear and no one should hear,
They symphony of my broken soul writhing.

How to heal the hidden wounds,
Stopping it from hurting and spreading,
When all I want to do is lie down,
Let the darkness embrace overpower my consciousness.

Music and laughter squeezed through my senses,
But it does nothing anymore,
Try to pour water into a shattered cup,
See how much fluid it holds.

Dread creeps across my being,
But I do nothing to stop its relentless blow,
How much could it hurt,
When I am not even whole anymore.

Looking at my chest rising and lowering,
Is the only reminder that I am still alive,
Bloodshot eyes and quivering lips,
Is this what it feels like to be completely broken?

Words

I always wondered how magical words can be,
Can elicit roars of laughter or stream of tears,
Can touch the deepest part of our hearts,
Making us feel any emotion possible.

Dive into the land of possibilities,
Experience the lives of others,
Experience the illusion of bliss or sadness,
Making you cry or laugh just with words.

Words can steal my heart,
Into a land filled with dreams and desires,
Into a place where hope and what ifs never dies,
An escape from the harsh reality of life.

Even in real life words work its magic,
A few words to cause an uproar of laughter,
A few words to shatter one's dream,
A method of communication and connection.

Don't need

I don't need your judgement,
To know that I screwed up,
I don't need your criticism,
To know that I've done wrong.

Thank you for your 'concern',
But I'm okay without it,
As okay as a screw up can be,
Your harsh comments aren't bandages.

I'm not perfect and will never be,
So forgive me when I sigh,
At all your stares and words,
That reminds me of my faults.

I've never claimed to be better,
I'm as broken as the next person,
I judge myself already,
So maybe you can stop your tirade.

Okay

I've so blessed to travel along this journey even thought it has been a tumultuous one. I'm on my way to future and sometimes it seems as dark as a moonless night but sometimes its shining as bright as diamond under the sun.

It's hard growing up and being a dreamer. Being a realist is so much more practical but then being a dreamer brings so much excitement because the possibility is endless.

I'm trying to find a balance of both, being a realist who still dreams. Contradictory? You bet.

I don't know exactly will happen in the future, that's part of the excitement but its terrifying as well.

But you know what, it's okay. It may not feel like its going to be but it will be. I just need to have more faith in God, my God who cares. I may not be sure about a lot of things in life but I know this- He loves me and I want to love him back.

I'm afraid, you're afraid, everybody's afraid. But that's okay. It'll be okay.

Shine

The symphony lead by the cricket does nothing to soothe me anymore.

Lying on the bed, tossing and turning like a dried leaf being raked.

When did a good night sleep become a indulgence that happens one in a blue moon?

Maybe all I need was fresh air to clear my crowded head.

Basking under the gentle moonlight and breathing in the cold night's air.

Were there so many stars up in the sky every night?

Their brightness struck me and aroused my jealousy.

Why couldn't I shine like that down here?

Since when did my brightness got shrouded my life's problems?

I could be a light in the darkness you know.

Looks like I still have my naive thoughts.

Naive doesn't mean it's not the truth.

Beyond

Do you ever wonder what happens beyond your little bubble-shaped world?

Here I am sitting under soft patches of grass after finishing my quiz, watching the view through my personal bubble that I set up with just a pair of earphones.

There are people running frantically, walking leisurely and some lying down with their black shades on.

There are couples, wrapped around each other like vines on a tree, basking in the sunlight, enjoying their own conjoined bubble.

There are groups of people, sitting in a circle, enjoying their brisk time of social life before rushing into another lecture or tutorial.

There are other people like me, in their own bubble. Some buried their nose down on books and cellphones while others watching the same view as me.

Just beside the corner of my eye, an ambulance has just arrived. I see a body of a man laying motionless and a small group of people hovering around him, taking action. I am just a by-stander of his life but I got to witness something horrific in his life. I'm content in my bubble but I can't help by poking through it and catching brief glances at that man.

Do we really care what's happening outside our bubble? Just opposite that man was a land of grass with people in their own world. Do they care?Did they even notice? If so then what's next? Is it fair that I got to stay in my own bubble while his got popped, for everyone to see.

I want to see beyond, beyond myself.

Change

Who gave you the right,
To decide what you do,
Knowing you would affect others,
Was the choice that simple to make?

I don't know right from wrong anymore,
I can't give you a definite answer,
My dream has been blurred,
My passion has gone away hiding.

I want to change,
To follow the conviction I once had,
Is that so bad of me,
To be selfish for once.

I don't know what is going to happen,
The future is a big question mark,
I just have to trust more,
In the author of my life.

Relationship

People can say what they want,
Criticize or judge me,
Because it won't matter to me,
The only word I hear is yours.

I don't need to a score,
To show us how compatible we are,
I don't depend on a magazine,
To know more about our relationship.

I will not be fooled by psycho-babbles,
We are who we want to be,
Mind games can't measure,
The connection between you and I.

Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic,
Is it too naive to want a happy ending,
Maybe we'll be the exception,
To all the broken hearts in the world.


*Side note: Thought about this in the shower. Weird I know...

Hectic

Sometimes everything just seems too much. Piling up in your face and suffocating you. All the hustle and bustle of life.

I wish I could just stop time, just relax and have some peace and solitude. Maybe I'm just too lazy to deal with everything. Who knew I'd be so weak.

It's alright though, I may be weak but the one who's looking out for me isn't. I'll have to learn to trust you more.

Hectic life.