Hard questions

Today started like any other day, I woke up groggily and feeling like a beaten egg. Yes, food analogies come to me naturally, go figure -.-

Like usual, I went into the vet clinic and just sat there, picking up a random magazine about pet care to read as the clinic did not have any client yet. Then suddenly, the main vet sat opposite me and started a conversation with me.

He asked me what I was aiming to get from this internship and about my studies. He spoke with authority but was friendly at the same time kinda like pastors. He displayed his authority subtly by the the way he spoke and his tone. I'm really not sure why I noticed this but I did. I was a bit nervous because whenever he dished a question to me because I didn't how to answer...

Those questions wasn't about animal anatomy or physiology, it was personal. What kind of vet do you want to be? Do you like your course because it's going to be very hard if you don't? How is your result?

The questions seemed easy but when I think about it, my answers to all the above questions are 'I don't know?'

I like animals but is that enough? I like food too so why not be a food scientist, chef or pastry baker? Am I smart? I don't think so. I'm too cowardly, I don't think I even have the courage to do what I see the vets doing. He showed me his scars and I was speechless. My mind keep telling me to stop kidding myself. I'm no vet, I'm just a kid trying to act grown-up.

After our conversation, I floated around the clinic, pondering on all the big questions. Sometimes I wonder if going into vet was more of my wish than God's intent.
I don't think any of my friends are thinking about changing courses besides me. Where is my dedication? Where is my passion?

Indulging myself in self-pity again. Sigh. University is really a place to grow but can I keep up? I think I need to pray about it, stop forgetting the power of prayer.

I've started the race and now I better finish it. I need to change and if not now then when? I pray for courage, I pray for strength but most of all I pray for God's will to be done.