Choice

Life or death situation? I didn't know that vets had to made this kind of decision until I took the bioethics unit.

Today I saw the real thing. There was an old dog which was critically ill and the vet gave her two choices. Give it medicine and hope for the best or humanely euthanize it. I could sense the owner was confused, afraid and relived at the same time. She knew that something was wrong with the dog and this confirmed her fears.

To tell the truth I felt conflicting emotions. I was a bit excited to see the euthanising procedure but on one hand, a beloved pet was going to be put down. However, my dad arrived sooner than I expected and I rushed out without knowing which option the owner chose.

As professionals I guess vets have to be subjective and not be critical about the choice of the owners. BUT its hard, I think emotions are harder suppress in life or death situations even though it is just animal's lives on the line. That's a hurdle I need to jump through.

Hard questions

Today started like any other day, I woke up groggily and feeling like a beaten egg. Yes, food analogies come to me naturally, go figure -.-

Like usual, I went into the vet clinic and just sat there, picking up a random magazine about pet care to read as the clinic did not have any client yet. Then suddenly, the main vet sat opposite me and started a conversation with me.

He asked me what I was aiming to get from this internship and about my studies. He spoke with authority but was friendly at the same time kinda like pastors. He displayed his authority subtly by the the way he spoke and his tone. I'm really not sure why I noticed this but I did. I was a bit nervous because whenever he dished a question to me because I didn't how to answer...

Those questions wasn't about animal anatomy or physiology, it was personal. What kind of vet do you want to be? Do you like your course because it's going to be very hard if you don't? How is your result?

The questions seemed easy but when I think about it, my answers to all the above questions are 'I don't know?'

I like animals but is that enough? I like food too so why not be a food scientist, chef or pastry baker? Am I smart? I don't think so. I'm too cowardly, I don't think I even have the courage to do what I see the vets doing. He showed me his scars and I was speechless. My mind keep telling me to stop kidding myself. I'm no vet, I'm just a kid trying to act grown-up.

After our conversation, I floated around the clinic, pondering on all the big questions. Sometimes I wonder if going into vet was more of my wish than God's intent.
I don't think any of my friends are thinking about changing courses besides me. Where is my dedication? Where is my passion?

Indulging myself in self-pity again. Sigh. University is really a place to grow but can I keep up? I think I need to pray about it, stop forgetting the power of prayer.

I've started the race and now I better finish it. I need to change and if not now then when? I pray for courage, I pray for strength but most of all I pray for God's will to be done.

Wonderful food

Today during a breakfast while I was eating dim sum with my dad and grandma, I noticed that their face wasn't radiating with joy and this really bugged me. Then I started to wonder why this bugged me so much. Then came a revelation.

I asked myself, why exactly do I like food so much? Food can stimulate all of my 5 senses. I can smell the aroma of food, I can taste the scrumptious and I feel the grip on the cutlery holding the food. Most importantly, I can see the happy faces and hear the laughter. Eating food, even thought its a fleeting moment, I feel free and reality stops. I'm in a realm where only smiles and happiness resides...I'm the person I want to be, a happy and thankful person filled with warmth.

I guess that's the reason I like food. Like those people who like music, food plays a symphony dear to my heart and I think it's a wonderful blessing that we have been gifted the ability to taste by God.

So eat and be happy but remember Ricky, gluttony is a big no no.... But food is so good -.-