My happiness

I seemed to be sighing quite a lot these days. Life is a lot less cheerful and dull has become the revolving theme in my life.
The thirst for knowledge is absent in me so I don't find great joy in learning new information. Is it interesting? Some are. Most are just chores for me do so I can complete the path I have chosen, tis is the my life of a medical student.

I see some of my uni mates, slaving the whole day away revising and flipping textbooks the size of a small hybrid car for more information. Me? After lecture, I go back to my cramped safe haven and indulge myself in some 'me time' as a reward for attending lectures. I can waste my precious time away looking at videos and threads that would bring no benefit whatsoever into my life, except maybe eliciting a chuckle here and there which is rare these days. If I am feeling particularly motivated, perhaps some notes would be taken out and stared at though the mind has flown to places where the eyes have never seen.

After an hour or two of 'studying', I will switch off the lights, tuck myself into my bed and think 'where has my life gone by?'

The next morning, I will rise up, close the alarm and the routine starts all over again.

Sometimes I wonder where would my life be if I was a different person. If I was born in a different country, raised with different values and receiving a different kind of education, would I be happier? An irrational question I am sure but it gives me some comfort that maybe, in some parallel universe (if there ever is one), "I" could lead a fulfilling life. A happy one.

The revolving theme seems to my happiness and for that I am ashamed because where is God in the picture? Should not He be the center of it all?

A reason to live. A passion worth fighting for. A dream to realize.

Envy

I'm envious of those people who are able to study what they are passionate about. I can only imagine the joy of studying something that interests you so much that it doesn't even seem like a chore.

I'm still finding something I am fervently passionate about while coasting through the stormy sea that is med school.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to the crossroads in life where I had to make a big decision, maybe I would have been better off taking the other route. Would that Ricky be happier or worse?

Ah people, heed my warning, choose how you use your second chances wisely if you have one, don't become like me.